I've always fought my emotions. I hated to cry. I refused to cry. If I have to and truly can't stop myself then I'd prefer to be on my own until it passes, so please don't try and make me feel better.
I usually start off feeling emotional and then something will upset me and piss me off until I'm so frustrated with everything that i cry or tear up. then the fact that I'm crying will just upset me more, so I fight it. I fight my emotions as much as I can. I feel weak and stupid if I cry. I am upset and get a headache from the tears.
It may be why I'm usually a happy person. If not happy - then I'm rarely sad or upset. Indifferent is a common state of mind. Pensive takes up a lot of brain space. Soooooo many thoughts that refuse to stop themselves until they've been completely thought out.
But surely there is a reason for crying. Otherwise we wouldn't. We are the only animals that cry- probably because we're the only ones who cause so many problems. But there must be a reason. To let out all the built up termoil emotions cause? I don't think so, because I never feel better afterwards. There's probably a reason and a use for it....but until I find a redeeming quality i'll continue to fight to keep my composure and my control. Hopefully it works.
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