some of my favorite quotes

• you are annoying my forhead! now you are annoying my top head!
• that guy's tall and skinny with a raisin head. I just want to crush it. 'i'm crushing your head! i'm crushing your head!'
• so if i skateboard, jesus will grow me a beard?
• i wish they taught irish in school
• information is usually unexplainably obtained
• if your plane crashed in the Andes and she died could you eat her?
• but here we have a dwarf who's about to take a dive off a chair
• i love your verbs that are things. i think I'm gonna sandwich after i sofa here for a bit
• i love sleep so sleep is the first thing i think about when i wake up
• I'll tell you why women have all the power. because they've got boobs
• if i could only bring 2 books on a deserted island, one would be a big inflatable book, and the other would be how to make oars out of sand, why do you want to know? this sounds like a slightly threatening question
• I'm sorry i tried to blow up your head
• leprechaun's gonna fuck you up at midnight
• yeah the VCR is hungry, put some spaghetti in it
• it starts at 12 and ends at noon
• the body's first response is to escape the noise- but this doesn't work very well when you're in a hot air balloon
• everybody panic! it's just like the titanic except filled with bears!
• you can't quit dumb cold turkey
• turns out that the best part is the little toe stuff inside there. that's the best part, crunchy little sea feet!
• it's got the flavor of the best shrimp you ever had with the texture of some kind of pharmaceutical jelly
• a creature with legs of eight- CRAB CRAB, it's a CRAB!
• i named it Marley, my first marlin
• i don't have an ego, i just love how awesome i am!
• you know what would go great with that Snapple? some crack.
• oh my god, you're in labor aren't you?...a little.
• we don't have our gravity belt today. we're having some gravity issues...
• i assume you all have guns and crack!
• good news everyone, I've taught the toaster to feel love!
• when was the last time you showered? i 'uno. why? BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO REMEMBER!
• forever always seems to be around when things begin, but forever never seems to be around when things end
• I'll kill you! shut up! it's not funny!
• that's impossible! and this coming from a guy who just swam 92 miles without arms or legs
• everything is sexual if you think hard enough
• miserable is memorable
• there was the cutest little girl scout selling all kinds of cookies, and when i asked her what it would cost she said about 3 fidy. it was then that i noticed that she was about 8 stories tall! It was that damn loch ness monster again!
• oh look a slug! you're gonna get smooshdid.
• you're chances of being dead are really good