blustery day

The wind brings with it a certain sense of chaos. There is more movement, more sound. Generally paired with an unnatural, white sky- the wind is like a strange life force. It moves the plants and if you stretch your mind you can imagine that it is the plants reaching out to the world to see what's out there. It's like a shower for the trees, stripping away any debris or dead leaves, but it ends up littering the ground for an unorganized, chaotic effect. There is a sense of foreboding in the air, a heaviness around you- pushing against you as you get wherever you're going. It's quite unnatural to see birds flying without going forward, struggling against the wind yet staying at a stand still, suspended in the air.

names

I find names odd. They are what others address us by, something more for others than for ourselves, despite the fact that they are our names. The only time you say your own name is when meeting someone else, so that they can know it.

Names are assigned to us at birth, before you know anything about yourself, or even before your parents know who you are (even at that squishy dribbly stage). It would seem logical that you would change your name at whim, to whatever seems fitting to have people address you by at that time. The name you were assigned is often no longer suitable as you evolve, yet there is generally not an option to change it.

There is one time when names do change, and then it is the woman taking the man's name at marriage. There is no choice, the name is random, and neither owner may care for it much. You would think it would be more sensible for the new couple to decide on a new name for the both of them. Granted, there may be a few more Mr. and Mrs. Awesome s in the phone book, but it seems more fitting to create a new identity for themselves then to have one party adopt a new name that the original owner doesn't care for himself, or that may belong to him but not be fitting for her. But if she elects not to change her name at marriage, you have to deal with that whole different names but still married confusion problem.

It is an odd practice. I'm not sure I approve.

i see you

Everyone's heard the saying "eyes are the windows to the soul". I disagree. Eyes are my windows to the world, not your window into me. They're like a one way mirror. I can see out, but you can't see in. I believe it is the eyebrows that display far more emotion than eyes. It's the way that the eyebrows shape the eyes that lets us see disbelief, sadness, and excitement in others. So eyebrows are the...frames into the soul.

new isn't always improved

Sometimes it seems life isn't spent living. When walking the dog is the most important thing i do all day, surely we've gone wrong. Society has strayed from what's important. Bodies weren't meant for clothes, they were meant for movement. Not for jobs, but for enjoying. My ears have more important things to listen to than the teacher droning on. I've more pressing things to learn of than how my DNA is replicated. Are clocks how we should greet each day? When we spend so little time outdoors that we need sunscreen and each freckle is a cause for concern. Views have become so warped that people can't be happy with themselves, can't recognize how wonderful it is simply to...enjoy. We can't even walk the earth without shoes to protect our feet. Have you done anything today to contribute to your happiness?

just thought you should know

I don't blog because I want to share my ideas and have other people know what i'm thinking. In fact, I don't think i've given out the site address to anyone. But I know people do read it, for whatever odd reason. Don't listen to my ramblings. Take no heed of my strange thoughts. I write them simply to get them out of my head. They pester me until they're fully thought out, so they end up here- and you get to see a brief snippet of my many random thoughts.

I have IDEAS

Recently I've been thinking, and have thunk a wonderful thought.
The law of conservation of energy tells us that energy cannot be created or destroyed, just transformed. To my knowledge, all energy originated in the big bang. Knowing this, I must be as old as the universe itself. I am energy perfection in human form. If all energy is recycled, it forces me to believe in reincarnation. Even if it is an indirect way, one person's energy continues living in a roundabout sort of way. They die to nourish the grass, which feeds the animal, who is eaten by a person- and that energy of the first person is living on in someone else. We are all as old as eternity, the age we think of as our bodies is only a measure of how long we've been conscious of this existence. Age is of no consequence, what's more important is the living that we've done, the knowledge that we've found, and the wisdom we have to share.

monkey envy

I have concluded that monkeys are far more advanced that humans. Firstly, they don't have periods. Pain is a mechanism to tell the body that there is something wrong. I take this to mean that there is something very wrong with the whole menstrual cycle. Monkeys are also somewhere around 7 times stronger than humans, an adaptation that seems more beneficial than being able to walk upright. Monkeys aren't reliant upon clothes or houses for protection. They don't cause pollution, and monkeys aren't trapped in a system based on money. Monkeys don't have debt. I envy the monkey. They seem to have it figured out. I think we're the one's who've got it wrong. So we know why things do what they do and the laws of gravity and all that, but really, as interesting as it may be, no one needs to know how to solve an equation for the slope of a line using the quadratic equation, or how to write an essay with a clear thesis statement. These things are necessary for life, and for the most part don't contribute to our lives or our happiness. They may be things that we are required to learn, but they aren't really needed.

schools are making us sick

Seeing as that it is flu season, you'd expect to see a few absences, but instead I've just been seeing a lot of sick kids. Because of the pressure to do well and how insanely difficult it is to make up the work missed or even be excused from class, kids are being forced to come to school when they are sick. Because of this, they're then infecting everyone else in the class. Yes, there are still 1 or 2 absences in each class, but that's usually because those children have swine flu and could possibly kill everyone. It's unfortunate that this is happening, because it really doesn't benefit anyone. Those who are sick are miserable, disruptive to the rest of the class, and probably can't focus to begin with. You can't even take a day off to rest up because you need a doctors note to be excused. Not ever sickness needs a doctors note, sometimes you just need a day off. Someone needs to change something- because I don't want to be sick, and I really don't want to go to school if I am. It's unfair for everyone and just no fun.

Attitude progression throughout the week

It would seem as though we live for the weekends, trudging through the week for the short window of reprieve from an endless stream of work and things that must be done lest we face the consequences of our unpreparedness

Monday: I hate Mondays. I miss the weekend
Tuesday: It's only Tuesday! The week will never be over!
Wednesday: UGH. (probably test tomorrow)
Thursday: At least tomorrow's Friday
Friday: YES. Friday. If I can just get through the day, it'll be over
Saturday: WEEKEND! now to spend the rest of the day trying to organize something for tomorrow
Sunday: Enjoy it while it lasts, tomorrow's another Monday

mondays are a horrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.

face stories

An old man's life can be seen on his face. Each wrinkle line and crease the evidence and recording of an event, and emotion, a life's story- written slowly over time to create the story now so plainly displayed across their face.

I love me and you should too.

There is a pandemic? epidemic? There is a demic run rampant in our culture, and it's self consciousness. If you prescribe to the bible then you will know that god never intended us to be ashamed and it was only after eating the fruit of knowledge that everything went to hell and we felt the need to cover ourselves.

So many of my friends are self conscious for no reason. Yes, you don't have a perfectly flat stomach. And yes, you have thighs. I might not love my legs, but it doesn't stop me from wearing shorts. Because they are the only legs that I have, and I must love them. I think it is partially to do with the horrible tabloids ridiculing someone for not being perfect. Even celebrities are people, and people just aren't perfect. No, that's not right. We are all perfect, some just don't accept their own perfection and would instead like to reach for the impossible. Well I'll take being imperfect and happy any day over hoping for the impossible.

Self consciousness stems from caring what somebody else thinks. And face it- you don't really care what they think. As the brilliant Dr.Seuss once said-

Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

You should never put someone else in charge of your happiness.

nice to meet you

I don't understand greetings. When you first meet someone, you are generally expected to shake hands or hug them, or something of that sort. I don't know why though. If I barely know you, why do I want to touch you? Why do you feel the need to touch me? The meeting isn't any different if we all just keep our hands to ourselves. You don't know them any better if you transfer your germs for one awkward second any more that if you were to wave, or just say hello. It just seems like a very odd practice.

summer

People have forgotten what summer is for.

We spend 10 months out of the year in school. So why not enjoy the short time off that we have? We only have summer for a few short years before the rest of your life, your vacation is limited to a meager 3 weeks. We should make the most of the time off that we are given instead of using it as a chance to do MORE schoolwork. So this summer, I fully intend to make the most of my break and appreciate it as it was meant to be. And I hope that everyone elsemakes the most of the time off that we do have- by not doing anything remotely related to school.

I pledge allegiance to myself

Why am I required to say the pledge of allegiance every day? We all say it mindlessly, with no belief in it's words, no allegiance in our pledge, and no comprehension of our own voices. I do it every day, and yet I don't believe a word.
Every day I am forced to say false words, because if I don't- then my teacher will yell at me. Unless you are one of the students to make it a point to tell the teacher that you don't believe in it, then you don't have to. But if I never said so, then I must stand up- because it is SO much more important to say meaningless words than finish whatever I'm working on. Why do they care? It's not as though it changes anything. There was a whole controversy over the word god in the pledge, but I have no more belief in that then I do in any other part of it, although it is stupid. The pledge was written a long time ago, when people cared. Things have changed, and now it's disrupts my mornings daily. Let's take a look:

I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the united states of america.
And to the republic for which it stands
One nation under god, indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all.

The flag is just cloth, why should I care. Besides, I would just as soon move to England if I had the desire. The nation is obviously divisible. There was a small incident of the civil war, and it's divided because only half the nation is under god. The rest is under reality. And there is no justice for all when men are being made to pay money unfairly to their lazy wives because the courts favor women, even if the women are the crazy ones

why i don't want children

How could anyone, in good conscience, bring a new life into the world? With the worsening state of the environment, economy, and everything else- it's scary enough to think about what will happen in your own life. Things will only get worse for a long time. Would you subject a child to such a future? The population is out of control, without any extra help. People aren't able to choose whether or not they are born. They are forced to live and deal as best as they can. So could anyone really, in good conscience, force anyone to continue such an existence?

the tale of two raisins

Once upon a time,
there were 2 raisins in a fight to the death.
Then they realized that neither of them had arms or legs,
so they just smack talked, insulted, and bad mouthed each other
until one of them died.
The end.

religously retarded

I have some issues with religion. To begin with, people, humans, man- are the only creatures who are aware of their death, and who consequently have religion. This alone is enough to convince me that it is all simply things to pacify our minds and enable people to cope with something we are unable to come to terms with. Because people can't imagine life without themselves- if we were simply to stop being when we die. Just because we can't figure out a way for it to work doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.
It also irks me that the major religions change money to 'save your soul'. It has become corrupt and evil. It is my personal belief that religion was made to appease our minds and to organize and control people in a time before law. Saying marriage is between a man and a woman was so people wouldn't try to marry their camel.
The stories that most religions were founded on are things to answer the questions of the times. They were helpful then, but today just cause problems. Religion today divides people to a ridiculous degree. Whole societies of people are at war over something that they are guessing will happen when they die (and it will no longer be a problem since by the time you actually know- you're already dead!)
Everyone can believe their own theories, it doesn't matter anyways. Why we feel the need to try and convince others that your own beliefs are correct is unknown to me. Your points, no matter how valid- will not sway the beliefs someone has had for years. If fossils aren't enough to disprove creationism, then your arguments have no hope of swaying them.

What would happen if once you die- everyone is let into heaven? And all of the religious sects that had been feuding their whole lives were all thrown together to find out that it was all a waste of a life over death. Or maybe it will be just like sleeping- where you temporarily cease to exist for a while, and since you never notice then you don't have to think about it. My favorite theory is that whatever idea we have created about the afterlife is what happens, and we are all left to 'live' out whatever we expected for ourselves. Despite all of your faith, there is no way to know. Faith is blind belief in something that may not exist. So stop wasting your time worrying about the future and just enjoy now. It's not that hard. But I don't know. And neither do you.

The Naked Truth

I have a theory about clothing. The reason women shop so much and men don't like clothes much at all comes from the same problem. We were not meant for clothes. Clothes were meant for us, but that doesn't change our subconscious dislike for them. Women shop so much because when we look in the closet each morning, we all look at our wardrobes and think that we don't like any of it and pick what we can tolerate the most that day-So we figure that if we go shopping that we will find something that we like better and will be happier with. We don't like clothes so we buy more in hopes that we'll like the new ones better. Guys just deal with their dislike differently. They choose to deal with them as little as possible and not care about what they throw on in the morning. Either way, i believe that it stems from a dislike, and not a like for clothing that drives women to shop. We simply weren't meant for clothes.

why bother?

As I watched a documentary on different cave systems and the highly specialized life that lives there, I wondered why any life bothered to live there at all. There is life on virtually every imaginable part of the earth. But why? All of these animals have specialized and adapted to live in harsh and inhospitable conditions. They tend to be the most interesting animals and plants. But I can't help but wonder why they've decided to live there. They can because they've adapted- but it still can't be fun. There are fish that can live in waterfalls, in acidic water, or thousands of feet below water. Lizards are excellently adapted to live in scorching dessert heats. Still, wouldn't it be easier to live somewhere else, somewhere that doesn't require such adaptations and harsh changes? Yes they can live there- but why live there? Why does life insist on living in every possible area it can find, and cling desperately to whatever purchase they can find there?

Money

When you really think about it- isn't money a bit of an abstract idea? We are exchanging a piece of paper for something that we want. But it can't be any paper-it has to be special paper with pictures of green dead men on them. But with this magic paper, you can buy a car, a house, or a cup of ice cream. I think it made much more sense when we traded something you wanted for something they wanted. It seems far less crazy. And if you think about money as just printed pieces of paper, it seems so much simpler to get more. Why can't we have more of it? It's just paper.

Parents

The other night as I laid in bed unable to fall asleep, I had a strange revelation. I realized that becoming a mom or dad is much more than having a child. It is the the complete surrender of yourself for the rest of your life. Once you become Mom or Dad to your child, you can never again regain yourself. To them you have no other name, and in that they have just depleted you of any other personality. For the duration of your parenthood, being the Mom or Dad is your main priority and often your only job. I have the utmost respect for those that have the ability to have children. I myself can't imagine having to live for someone else first. Their needs are put before your own, and I think while a necessary part of parenting, is completely unfair to the mother or father. I think it lies mostly in the taking away of your name. It's a bit odd if you think of it. There are hundreds of thousands of moms, and they all share the same title. If a child were to scream Mom in a store- many more people than just their mother would respond. Wouldn't it make more sense to keep your name? It'd be so much easier to identify your parents if they got to keep their names and identities. Children aren't solely referred to as daughter or son by their parents, although they still keep that position. I don't have much of a point- but it all seems a little weird.

i figured it out!

I have found the meaning of life!

DON'T DIE.

and be as happy as possible

and if i'm wrong- maybe there is no meaning. 

maybe there is no meaning of life

why does it matter so long as we're here? 

can't we just be happy we get to explore the life we live?

where we went wrong

I'm fairly certain that we went wrong as a people when we became dependent on clothes. It's not thumbs that set us apart from all other animals. Monkeys have thumbs too and they haven't single handedly destroyed the world. I think that's where we went wrong. We are dependent on things that we can't always make for ourselves. We need clothes to keep us warm, and houses to protect us. We have no natural weapons so we create them. We need things, and so we've made money to exchange for the things we need. I want to be a bird. They'll never go into debt, or need money just to be able to live. When we became dependent we started to create, and suddenly we have roads and shoes and fake hearts. I think all of our technological advances are amazing, but we're also getting rid of natural selection. There's a reason that each year diseases increase. In the wild people who genetically are bad at running would die out, and we'd all be amazing runners so we could survive. But who needs to run when we have cars to drive us to safety? I wish I was a bird. Their only problems are us, and if we weren't here, being a bird would be perfect :D

you're not dead!

Birthdays are viewed all wrong. So many people are all freaked out about their age. So what if you're 40? You're life isn't over- you've just survived for that long. Your birthday is a celebration of the fact that you're not dead. You have managed to survive for that long and not die. YAY! So stop freaking out. Be glad you're alive.

there's nothing to fear but fear itself

I think that people are too afraid. Today test results were given out to everyone who took something like the SAT at school a month ago. Everyone went to get their results as soon as possible and then quickly stored them in their lockers so that they could ignore them until later. I don't understand it at all. Whether or not you know your scores, the number isn't going to change. It is pointless to put it off because you'll have to find out eventually and putting it off can only make it worse because you'll worry about it. The test was just a practice anyways and the scores don't count until next year when you re-take it. The whole point was to find out what you did well on and where you need improvement so you can study more for the next time that you take it. I think people make things so much worse for themselves. The score is the score and it won't change, so you might as well know it. And if not to know what to study, isn't the curiosity enough to make you find out? But seeing as that I'm the only one who didn't take the test( because I didn't feel like paying to take a 3 hour test on a weekend for practice) and also that I'm the only one that would have looked- immediately- maybe I'm the one who is weird. Who said that weird can't be right?

fire fire everywhere and not a drop to drink

Yesterday a few fires started over near Malibu. Today I can see ashes floating through the air and the sky has been so blocked out by smoke that what sunlight does manage to stream through tints everything that it touches orange and red. In a way the new tinge to the skies is interesting, but it's also a reminder of how much devastation is going on not only to the trees and plants in the area, but also to the homes of hundreds of people. It's horrible that people are losing their homes- but at the same time I can't help but wonder...why are these people still living there!? Fires have been flaring up in the same place for a few years now. Their homes must be in danger every fire season. Haven't they realized by now that, just maybe, that isn't the best location to be living? Maybe they should move! I remember last year when the skies had the same color they do now. I hope this doesn't last long. I'm sure that global warming has something to do with it, but maybe it could bring some weird unseasonal rain to end this strange fires.  

market retardation

i don't understand how we can have 2009 model cars when it's still 2008. Yes, we are towards the end of the year, but it's not 2009. It's still 2008- so no matter what the car people say, their cars were produced in 2008, so they are 2008 model cars. I understand that it's all just marketing, but these salespeople are underestimating the average intelligence of their people. Then again, maybe they're not and some people don't care that their car must have come to the future for their statement to be true. Maybe future cars would be OK- if they at least looked futuristic. 

classroom inspiration

As I feel the boredom setting in 

my mind begins to wander

And all the things come rushing in 

for me to sit and ponder

Sleepiness is like a drug

or some debilitating dream

where somehow I have sprung a leak 

and thoughts leak out the seam

my eyes will pick a spot

to sit and stay and stare

as if I've found a secret space

suspended in the air

then my brain becomes all fuzzy

and I've not a thought to think

so suddenly I've forgot it all

and i simply start to blink

my concentration lessons

so some thing leak out my ear

it's being called on for a question

that i really start to fear

if only class was captivating

then i might pretend to care

but as it's not at present moment

I'll be contented just to stare

waterproof panties

I have recently been pondering why it is that normally when you see someone's underwear you go oh my god. But if you find out that it's actually just a bikini bottom- it doesn't matter anymore. Go ahead and walk around wearing just a bra and panties, except it's a bikini so it's ok because it's waterproof. If we waterproofed all our underwear we would be able to walk around without worrying who sees. Even men are aloud to wear speedos smaller than their normal underwear. ( why is it that it's only extremely fat and hairy men choose to wear them?) I can't figure out how waterproofing changes everything.... but it is very interesting.

silly

When we overhear things that people say when they weren't intended for us to hear- it's almost always a problem. But in truth- we must all remember that each person thinks these things wether we hear them or not. Just because you hear something doesn't mean that you need to react. They have thought it all along, and now that you know doesn't mean anything is different. You may think and believe so, but it's not true. The best thing to do is to consider the knowledge and then move on. They think one way- and that's how it is. There's a reason we have our own minds private to ourselves. It's because we don't know how to react to the truth. If we didn't react with anger or sadness, and could just accept things, maybe we wouldn't need to hide inside our own minds. But as it is- we all have our own hiding place for the time being. Whatever has happened to change your opinions- i advise you to acknowledge it, accept that that is someone's thoughts and opinions, and realize that it doesn't matter and move on. But that's just my opinion and my advice.

sky

The early morning sky, a murky grey-purple haze, melting into a muted blue and eventually tinged so pale with the not yet visible light of the sun that it's almost yellow. This is the early morning sky.

Rising past the ominous and ever present wall of dirty white smog that subtly consumes all distant views as it blurs them and sucks out all color and vibrancy.

Driving home along the ocean I see the sunset and realize that it is actually the smog wall that surounds us in all directions. It fades from blue- purple- pink- orange- yellow- white, then the sun sinks behind the horizon and the once bright light blue sky slowly fades and darkens back to a dark blue grey black ceiling of the world, sprinkled with stars and the suns shadow of the moon

cabnin

In the cabin there is constant activity and movement. The persistent whir of buzzing wings or the hurried scattering of giant ants going about their daily business. Squirrels are busy climbing trees and birds have new places to discover each day. But for all this, the carefree fluttering of butterfly wings, the gentle sway of tiny pink, yellow, and white wild flowers or high up bristling of pine needles in the wind, and lazy drifting of dust through the shafts of sunlight make the cabin and always peaceful and clam escape, even in the busiest of hours. I attribute it most to the active silence of the forest. Where even in the calmest or busiest of hours you hear the melodious sounds of birds singing merely for the pleasure of it. The skitter of chipmunks clambering up a tree trunk, and the comforting sound of your own feet unaccompanied by any other noise. There may be noise and sound, but when taking a moment to just still yourself you are blind but to notice the permeating, echoing of the vastness of silence- and within the silence of peace and contentment are inescapable.

This is all

Things I've learned recently from the book This is All by Aiden Chambers, or maybe i should say quotes:

• i've never felt that i'm only one self
• i won't allow biology to be used as an excuse for unacceptable behaviour
• poetically named chemical substances
• i began ot feel as if I were levitating and floating off into the air
• small, spare, simple, fresh, yet endless too, dense, complex, as old as the universe (poems)
• why do we repeat the obvious when in shock
• infuriating grin
• last night i dreamt i was giving birth to a cat
• jealousy poinsons the souls
• stoopid....... wickedeeboo
• there's something very disturbing about your dad crying
• i want to be concsious of everything. I want to be concsious of everything
• every time we learn something we suffer a sense of loss
• sleep
• Did the me i'm aware of when i'm awake go away while i was the me i am while i sleep?
• sleep- the death of earch day's life
• I am my life. My life means me. To understand me properly, you have to know who i am
• how odd that you can think something out only when you write it down, and how it can feel right even as you write it down, even though you don't understand it yourself and even though you've written it.
• helping yourself
• i forced the tears back
• without their nothingness they would be nothing
• you are consistently obscene
• and all the lives to be are full of trees and changing leaves
• the world, the universe, was alive. And somehow, this knowing, this conciousness, was what people call God
• the great grey-green greasy Limpopop all set about with fever trees
• and we have to be as alive as we can be and not let sadness or anything else spoil life for us
• when someone is about to leave you for a while, they gret scratchy. this is only to help them leave
• mental smile
• why can't people just enjoy things?
• the ony who leaves is the ony who smiles. The one who cries is the one who stays behind
• all the pent-up self-destructive energy had burnt off, I felt calm and myself again, but exhausted.
• jealousy is an ugly weakness
• nothing is real until it is imagined
• in that sense it's true that we ourselves and everybody else, everything i nthe world, everything in the entire universe,all of life itself, is only what it is,is only real, because it has been imagined. some people call this supreme universalimagination God.
• nothing is real, nothing exists, until we have imagined it
• i love the sea. I love its endless movement, its never the same always the sameness
• horizontal viewing is grounded, level, patient, settled
• the meaning of life itself, the point of it, is living it.
• and what would we be without our memory? - unconcious
• Robert Frost's poem 'the road not taken'
• sex is like junk food
• we are nothing if we are not conscious. if we were not conscious, we would not know who or what we are
• hapiness, it seems to me, is what you feel when your life is as it should be. Ergo, unhappiness is what you feel whe your life is not as it should be. When you're unhappy, you can become depressed
• i'm part of the height, the ground is falling twards me. falling upwards
• honesty may be the best policy but its side-effects are pain, rejection and opprobrium
• giggledom
• it grows in a tree, which we think of as rooted in the earth. but if you look at it another way, you cansay it is rooted by its branches in the sky
• when trying to find the truth, all things should in life should be looked at from the opposite way we usually think of them
• i long to know everything about Life, everything about myself
• doing nothing is doing something
• just words, but in the end they fail us. Because there are truths that lie beyond words
• to live is to remember. to forget is to die
• though it reminds me of a big mistake, is part of my life from which I learned a lot, and don't want to forget it
• we only find our disciple the hard way by trial and error, by searching and waiting- by lifing your way into it. or maybe i should say by it living its way into us
• you all you need to know about yourself; you just haven't let yourself know you know it yet
• silence can be as big a statement as words. nothing is more important than the truths to which we are blind
• know what she was saying until she was ready to reveal it
• what is is and life must go on whatever it is
• we are all going to die. it is only the worrying that makes it scary. so there is no point to dreading what will happen no matter what we do.