being

do you ever move your muscles beneath your skin
and wonder why others cringe
when inside comes out
that we are not meant to see
some things to remain hidden
for our own health and sanity
yet my curiosity allows me to see beyond
inside
so that i may look without a queasy center
at something of which i am the master
my own body
living

changing time

My eyes are heavy. I can feel them. They tell me that sleep is the answer, but i don't wish to speed up time. That means waking up early again tomorrow all the sooner. If i can keep today a bit longer, I can put off tomorrow. Sleep eats time. We need sleep, it provides us with a small oblivion where we can ignore the realities of life, with whatever problems, troubles, or thoughts that simply cannot be given attention every second of the day. Sometimes we must escape them so as not to go insane. They disappear while we retreat into our own subconscious imaginations to experience a different reality for a while. But while we're ignoring reality, it's busy speeding by without us, going on regardless of whether we're aware of it or not. And when we wake up, we must face that reality. But we always find a way to deal with it. Enjoy oblivion while you can, life will still be there waiting for you whenever you decide it's time to come back.

the things we share

sometimes the only difference between a bitchy mood and complete contentment with life is an imperceptible change behind your eyes and a millimeter twitch of the mouth, but the difference is monumental in the mind.

happy happy joy joy

I love when things go well, when life is good, when you get to enjoy the little things. When you hit all the green lights on the way home. When you realize that planes have headlights too. When you get to be passenger again.

let it go

the sense of relief felt when releasing something when you realize it isn't worth caring about it wonderfully calming.

a day in a life

Life is only a day and a memory long. Once you go to sleep, the day is over and it become just another memory. Then it's a new day, a new miniature life to create.

off

Some days are just off days. They can still be good days, despite going slightly wrong at every turn. Today my friends and I woke up far too early for a summer morning to go and decorate the strand with chalk. Turns out the strand is actually too smooth for the chalk to stick properly, and if you attempt to blend it at all you will just erase your work. We didn't let this stop us. Nor did we allow the street sweeper ( I wasn't even aware that the street sweeper swept the strand) to deter us from fixing and finishing our work. We even had a dog crap on our art. Apparently the dog didn't approve, although it seemed that the only other people up at so early an hour (crazy joggers) did enjoy our work. The wall worked perfectly and was less likely to get worn away, so hopefully that will stay for a while. But the whole day went like that- just ever so slightly off. And in it's offness, it's nearly perfect but just ever so slightly wrongness, it became awesome for it's quirks. It would have been far less eventful if we didn't have a street sweeper to contend with. As they say, miserable is memorable.

change in taste

does your spit ever change flavors? You can feel the new flavor leak over your back molars, seeping out of your salivary glands. What causes this change in taste? When I first noticed it I thought I had chipped a tooth and that was what the inside tasted like. Now I think it might be a hormone like serotonin or melatonin or something of that sort, since I only notice it right before bed. I didn't know hormones had flavors. It's interesting. You never think of what spit tastes like. It's just always there, seemingly unchanging and so you stop noticing. But should there be a variation in the constant, suddenly you notice- and are forced to wonder, why does my spit change flavor?

how are you?

I am wonderful. I am splendid. I am lovely. I am excellent.

How could you respond any other way?
All things are relative. You may have woken up and shared a shower with a spider, and proceeded to go through the gloomy day with a tweaked back. But all things considered, it's all good. In general, overall, things are well above average. Complaints are small and temporary. So now, no matter how less than ideal a day you may be having, you can still say that you are excellent when someone asks how you are.

head in the clouds, body in the sun

It's hard to think that some people can go through whole days, weeks, possibly moths or even years, and never have the words bliss, contentment, and peace float through their thoughts. Some people never find themselves in a state of calm, despite everything happening around you. Maybe it's just an ability to zone out, day dream, find lala land. When your mind wanders so much you stop being aware of where it goes until you catch yourself, and can't remember what's happening. Perhaps it's denial. Ignoring everything that probably should be worried about. Ignorance is bliss, especially when you're in the sun.

family

damn my family is LOUD. And yet i love that my grandma greets me with Dude! when she comes to visit, and my dad will describe lameness as sucking balls. That I can be in a conversation for hours and not realize that i haven't said a word. I blend in well. Maybe it's more like disappearing. I have cultivated my quietness. Perhaps it is in opposition to the occasionally grating noises that emanate from those around me, or simply from the fact that there is no need to butt in. Everyone has plenty to say, and I feel no compulsion to add to the conversation. I'm content to listen, as they are content to talk. You learn to listen.

deal with it

There is no such thing as the future. It is merely the present at another time. And we always find a way to deal with the present, so there's no use in worrying.

useless knowledge

It doesn't matter if you have all the wisdom in the world, if you have no experience to go along with it.

know it all

Eventually, I will figure out what the hell i'm doing. I'll probably die shortly after, because there will be nothing left to do in life.

up to you

Life is as difficult as your make it or as simple as you allow it to be. The decision seems simple, but many people fail to see the option.

blustery day

The wind brings with it a certain sense of chaos. There is more movement, more sound. Generally paired with an unnatural, white sky- the wind is like a strange life force. It moves the plants and if you stretch your mind you can imagine that it is the plants reaching out to the world to see what's out there. It's like a shower for the trees, stripping away any debris or dead leaves, but it ends up littering the ground for an unorganized, chaotic effect. There is a sense of foreboding in the air, a heaviness around you- pushing against you as you get wherever you're going. It's quite unnatural to see birds flying without going forward, struggling against the wind yet staying at a stand still, suspended in the air.

names

I find names odd. They are what others address us by, something more for others than for ourselves, despite the fact that they are our names. The only time you say your own name is when meeting someone else, so that they can know it.

Names are assigned to us at birth, before you know anything about yourself, or even before your parents know who you are (even at that squishy dribbly stage). It would seem logical that you would change your name at whim, to whatever seems fitting to have people address you by at that time. The name you were assigned is often no longer suitable as you evolve, yet there is generally not an option to change it.

There is one time when names do change, and then it is the woman taking the man's name at marriage. There is no choice, the name is random, and neither owner may care for it much. You would think it would be more sensible for the new couple to decide on a new name for the both of them. Granted, there may be a few more Mr. and Mrs. Awesome s in the phone book, but it seems more fitting to create a new identity for themselves then to have one party adopt a new name that the original owner doesn't care for himself, or that may belong to him but not be fitting for her. But if she elects not to change her name at marriage, you have to deal with that whole different names but still married confusion problem.

It is an odd practice. I'm not sure I approve.

i see you

Everyone's heard the saying "eyes are the windows to the soul". I disagree. Eyes are my windows to the world, not your window into me. They're like a one way mirror. I can see out, but you can't see in. I believe it is the eyebrows that display far more emotion than eyes. It's the way that the eyebrows shape the eyes that lets us see disbelief, sadness, and excitement in others. So eyebrows are the...frames into the soul.

new isn't always improved

Sometimes it seems life isn't spent living. When walking the dog is the most important thing i do all day, surely we've gone wrong. Society has strayed from what's important. Bodies weren't meant for clothes, they were meant for movement. Not for jobs, but for enjoying. My ears have more important things to listen to than the teacher droning on. I've more pressing things to learn of than how my DNA is replicated. Are clocks how we should greet each day? When we spend so little time outdoors that we need sunscreen and each freckle is a cause for concern. Views have become so warped that people can't be happy with themselves, can't recognize how wonderful it is simply to...enjoy. We can't even walk the earth without shoes to protect our feet. Have you done anything today to contribute to your happiness?

just thought you should know

I don't blog because I want to share my ideas and have other people know what i'm thinking. In fact, I don't think i've given out the site address to anyone. But I know people do read it, for whatever odd reason. Don't listen to my ramblings. Take no heed of my strange thoughts. I write them simply to get them out of my head. They pester me until they're fully thought out, so they end up here- and you get to see a brief snippet of my many random thoughts.

I have IDEAS

Recently I've been thinking, and have thunk a wonderful thought.
The law of conservation of energy tells us that energy cannot be created or destroyed, just transformed. To my knowledge, all energy originated in the big bang. Knowing this, I must be as old as the universe itself. I am energy perfection in human form. If all energy is recycled, it forces me to believe in reincarnation. Even if it is an indirect way, one person's energy continues living in a roundabout sort of way. They die to nourish the grass, which feeds the animal, who is eaten by a person- and that energy of the first person is living on in someone else. We are all as old as eternity, the age we think of as our bodies is only a measure of how long we've been conscious of this existence. Age is of no consequence, what's more important is the living that we've done, the knowledge that we've found, and the wisdom we have to share.

monkey envy

I have concluded that monkeys are far more advanced that humans. Firstly, they don't have periods. Pain is a mechanism to tell the body that there is something wrong. I take this to mean that there is something very wrong with the whole menstrual cycle. Monkeys are also somewhere around 7 times stronger than humans, an adaptation that seems more beneficial than being able to walk upright. Monkeys aren't reliant upon clothes or houses for protection. They don't cause pollution, and monkeys aren't trapped in a system based on money. Monkeys don't have debt. I envy the monkey. They seem to have it figured out. I think we're the one's who've got it wrong. So we know why things do what they do and the laws of gravity and all that, but really, as interesting as it may be, no one needs to know how to solve an equation for the slope of a line using the quadratic equation, or how to write an essay with a clear thesis statement. These things are necessary for life, and for the most part don't contribute to our lives or our happiness. They may be things that we are required to learn, but they aren't really needed.

schools are making us sick

Seeing as that it is flu season, you'd expect to see a few absences, but instead I've just been seeing a lot of sick kids. Because of the pressure to do well and how insanely difficult it is to make up the work missed or even be excused from class, kids are being forced to come to school when they are sick. Because of this, they're then infecting everyone else in the class. Yes, there are still 1 or 2 absences in each class, but that's usually because those children have swine flu and could possibly kill everyone. It's unfortunate that this is happening, because it really doesn't benefit anyone. Those who are sick are miserable, disruptive to the rest of the class, and probably can't focus to begin with. You can't even take a day off to rest up because you need a doctors note to be excused. Not ever sickness needs a doctors note, sometimes you just need a day off. Someone needs to change something- because I don't want to be sick, and I really don't want to go to school if I am. It's unfair for everyone and just no fun.

Attitude progression throughout the week

It would seem as though we live for the weekends, trudging through the week for the short window of reprieve from an endless stream of work and things that must be done lest we face the consequences of our unpreparedness

Monday: I hate Mondays. I miss the weekend
Tuesday: It's only Tuesday! The week will never be over!
Wednesday: UGH. (probably test tomorrow)
Thursday: At least tomorrow's Friday
Friday: YES. Friday. If I can just get through the day, it'll be over
Saturday: WEEKEND! now to spend the rest of the day trying to organize something for tomorrow
Sunday: Enjoy it while it lasts, tomorrow's another Monday

mondays are a horrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.

face stories

An old man's life can be seen on his face. Each wrinkle line and crease the evidence and recording of an event, and emotion, a life's story- written slowly over time to create the story now so plainly displayed across their face.

I love me and you should too.

There is a pandemic? epidemic? There is a demic run rampant in our culture, and it's self consciousness. If you prescribe to the bible then you will know that god never intended us to be ashamed and it was only after eating the fruit of knowledge that everything went to hell and we felt the need to cover ourselves.

So many of my friends are self conscious for no reason. Yes, you don't have a perfectly flat stomach. And yes, you have thighs. I might not love my legs, but it doesn't stop me from wearing shorts. Because they are the only legs that I have, and I must love them. I think it is partially to do with the horrible tabloids ridiculing someone for not being perfect. Even celebrities are people, and people just aren't perfect. No, that's not right. We are all perfect, some just don't accept their own perfection and would instead like to reach for the impossible. Well I'll take being imperfect and happy any day over hoping for the impossible.

Self consciousness stems from caring what somebody else thinks. And face it- you don't really care what they think. As the brilliant Dr.Seuss once said-

Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

You should never put someone else in charge of your happiness.

nice to meet you

I don't understand greetings. When you first meet someone, you are generally expected to shake hands or hug them, or something of that sort. I don't know why though. If I barely know you, why do I want to touch you? Why do you feel the need to touch me? The meeting isn't any different if we all just keep our hands to ourselves. You don't know them any better if you transfer your germs for one awkward second any more that if you were to wave, or just say hello. It just seems like a very odd practice.

summer

People have forgotten what summer is for.

We spend 10 months out of the year in school. So why not enjoy the short time off that we have? We only have summer for a few short years before the rest of your life, your vacation is limited to a meager 3 weeks. We should make the most of the time off that we are given instead of using it as a chance to do MORE schoolwork. So this summer, I fully intend to make the most of my break and appreciate it as it was meant to be. And I hope that everyone elsemakes the most of the time off that we do have- by not doing anything remotely related to school.

I pledge allegiance to myself

Why am I required to say the pledge of allegiance every day? We all say it mindlessly, with no belief in it's words, no allegiance in our pledge, and no comprehension of our own voices. I do it every day, and yet I don't believe a word.
Every day I am forced to say false words, because if I don't- then my teacher will yell at me. Unless you are one of the students to make it a point to tell the teacher that you don't believe in it, then you don't have to. But if I never said so, then I must stand up- because it is SO much more important to say meaningless words than finish whatever I'm working on. Why do they care? It's not as though it changes anything. There was a whole controversy over the word god in the pledge, but I have no more belief in that then I do in any other part of it, although it is stupid. The pledge was written a long time ago, when people cared. Things have changed, and now it's disrupts my mornings daily. Let's take a look:

I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the united states of america.
And to the republic for which it stands
One nation under god, indivisible,
with liberty and justice for all.

The flag is just cloth, why should I care. Besides, I would just as soon move to England if I had the desire. The nation is obviously divisible. There was a small incident of the civil war, and it's divided because only half the nation is under god. The rest is under reality. And there is no justice for all when men are being made to pay money unfairly to their lazy wives because the courts favor women, even if the women are the crazy ones

why i don't want children

How could anyone, in good conscience, bring a new life into the world? With the worsening state of the environment, economy, and everything else- it's scary enough to think about what will happen in your own life. Things will only get worse for a long time. Would you subject a child to such a future? The population is out of control, without any extra help. People aren't able to choose whether or not they are born. They are forced to live and deal as best as they can. So could anyone really, in good conscience, force anyone to continue such an existence?

the tale of two raisins

Once upon a time,
there were 2 raisins in a fight to the death.
Then they realized that neither of them had arms or legs,
so they just smack talked, insulted, and bad mouthed each other
until one of them died.
The end.

religously retarded

I have some issues with religion. To begin with, people, humans, man- are the only creatures who are aware of their death, and who consequently have religion. This alone is enough to convince me that it is all simply things to pacify our minds and enable people to cope with something we are unable to come to terms with. Because people can't imagine life without themselves- if we were simply to stop being when we die. Just because we can't figure out a way for it to work doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.
It also irks me that the major religions change money to 'save your soul'. It has become corrupt and evil. It is my personal belief that religion was made to appease our minds and to organize and control people in a time before law. Saying marriage is between a man and a woman was so people wouldn't try to marry their camel.
The stories that most religions were founded on are things to answer the questions of the times. They were helpful then, but today just cause problems. Religion today divides people to a ridiculous degree. Whole societies of people are at war over something that they are guessing will happen when they die (and it will no longer be a problem since by the time you actually know- you're already dead!)
Everyone can believe their own theories, it doesn't matter anyways. Why we feel the need to try and convince others that your own beliefs are correct is unknown to me. Your points, no matter how valid- will not sway the beliefs someone has had for years. If fossils aren't enough to disprove creationism, then your arguments have no hope of swaying them.

What would happen if once you die- everyone is let into heaven? And all of the religious sects that had been feuding their whole lives were all thrown together to find out that it was all a waste of a life over death. Or maybe it will be just like sleeping- where you temporarily cease to exist for a while, and since you never notice then you don't have to think about it. My favorite theory is that whatever idea we have created about the afterlife is what happens, and we are all left to 'live' out whatever we expected for ourselves. Despite all of your faith, there is no way to know. Faith is blind belief in something that may not exist. So stop wasting your time worrying about the future and just enjoy now. It's not that hard. But I don't know. And neither do you.